I'm feeling more and more like the biggest thing I've gotten out of the Greenpeace Organizing Term is the knowledge that I don't want be in the Greenpeace Organizing Term.
Well, that's not entirely true or fair, but I find myself getting more frustrated than inspired, and I keep wondering if I would have been better off interning with the HRC or NOW. Those are causes that I truly believe in, and that's the work that I want to be doing as a career. I do care about trees and whales and stuff, so it's really the attitude of a lot of Greenpeacers that depresses me.
There is so much out-greening going on in this community - and it's starting to really grate on my nerves. There really is nothing you can say/do/use anymore that isn't beheading Mother Earth. I really don't see the benefit in attacking another person's lifestyle, especially when it's over something like a brand.
I also feel like it's not okay that I feel this way, which is incredibly frustrating. I keep getting these pitty-filled glances from those who have heard me voice these concerns. Seriously, I'll be okay. I doubt that this program or people were going to open my eyes to my eco-discretions anyway.
The pity plus the feeling that everyone thinks I'm mentally retarded is starting to make me feel disdain for my fellow GOTers as well as our coordinators. I seriously get treated like I'm stupid ten times a day. Is it because I make jokes? Is it because I use Kiehl's bath products? What about me is stupid?!?! Because it's certainly not my intellect.
This is also kind of a sore spot with me since a meeting last semester when a professor told me that I "didn't need to act like I am not smart." What is this air of stupidity that I exude? You should really tell me, because I have no idea.
I'm basically just so completely sick of other people believing that they know me or can understand from a word or look exactly how I'm feeling. YOU CAN'T. But you can read about it here. Bwahaha.