Thursday, March 13, 2008


I was thinking about the rant I just posted and I kind of disagree with what I wrote. Well, I do agree with it, because I wrote it in the first place for a reason, but I'm feeling less drama-queeny about it. I realize that I need to stop obsessing over whether or not other people take me seriously and if I'm ever going to succeed at anything. I'm to immersed in my own life to realize that these things that I'm crying over at completely trivial.

We're supposed to make goals for the week for our work, and I always say something like, "be more tolerant of other people," when really in my mind it's something like, "impress someone, anyone, you loser!"

My new goal for the week is to honestly, truly, care less.

I'm still going to do what I need to do, and I'm going to do it with a freaking smile, but I'm going to put less pressure on myself and others to be so perfect all the time.

Me and GOT

I'm feeling more and more like the biggest thing I've gotten out of the Greenpeace Organizing Term is the knowledge that I don't want be in the Greenpeace Organizing Term.

Well, that's not entirely true or fair, but I find myself getting more frustrated than inspired, and I keep wondering if I would have been better off interning with the HRC or NOW. Those are causes that I truly believe in, and that's the work that I want to be doing as a career. I do care about trees and whales and stuff, so it's really the attitude of a lot of Greenpeacers that depresses me.

There is so much out-greening going on in this community - and it's starting to really grate on my nerves. There really is nothing you can say/do/use anymore that isn't beheading Mother Earth. I really don't see the benefit in attacking another person's lifestyle, especially when it's over something like a brand.

I also feel like it's not okay that I feel this way, which is incredibly frustrating. I keep getting these pitty-filled glances from those who have heard me voice these concerns. Seriously, I'll be okay. I doubt that this program or people were going to open my eyes to my eco-discretions anyway.

The pity plus the feeling that everyone thinks I'm mentally retarded is starting to make me feel disdain for my fellow GOTers as well as our coordinators. I seriously get treated like I'm stupid ten times a day. Is it because I make jokes? Is it because I use Kiehl's bath products? What about me is stupid?!?! Because it's certainly not my intellect.

This is also kind of a sore spot with me since a meeting last semester when a professor told me that I "didn't need to act like I am not smart." What is this air of stupidity that I exude? You should really tell me, because I have no idea.

I'm basically just so completely sick of other people believing that they know me or can understand from a word or look exactly how I'm feeling. YOU CAN'T. But you can read about it here. Bwahaha.