Last week really got my morale down, and this week I'm sick, so I'm basically just feeling crappy and a little homesick. Sorry I don't have more positive things to write, but there isn't really too much sunny to talk about besides the weather. It doesn't help that I still haven't adjusted to daylight savings, so when I'm ready to go to bed it's looks like 4pm, and when I wake up the sun is just a distant idea.
I think the reason I'm kind of losing enthusiasm in the program is that I've realized now that this is not the path I want to take in my life. I'm much more interested in human-based, person to person activism. That may also be why I want to go to law school, so that I can be an advocate for one person or a group of people. Plus, I think that "Phase 1" of our program beat me down, and I was ready for it to end about two weeks before it actually did.
Now we're on to Phase 2, which is more about entering actual communities and working with people on what I think is a more basic level. Before we were working on the Berkeley campus, which was a little isolated and just made me feel like I was back at home. Our Phase 2 trip is going to be in Tuscon, where we'll work within the community to influence a senator/congressperson/something or other to support Arizona's global warming bill. I'm hoping it will be nice just to be in an actual community instead of the Greenpeace bubble.
Phase 3 is the international trip, which is to Hamburg. Germany was the only place I wasn't really interested in going to, but now that I know we're going there I've changed my stance pretty quickly. I mean, it's just so nice to know where we're off to, and I definitely need time to adjust to all things, but especially travel. Plus, I talked to Connie at Berkeley, who's an ex-GOTer, and she said that the international trip is basically three or four things for Greenpeace, and the rest of the time you can do whatever you want. That sounds VERY nice right now, as I'm missing independence more and more.
I think too another reason this program is draining on me is that I just think very differently than the other people here. It's so easy to get over-zealous and jump on a soapbox when you're working for an organization like Greenpeace. Add to that the fact that all we do is Greenpeace stuff, all the time, and I can really understand how others in the program believe that their activism is all there is in the world. I guess I'm just separating myself from it (maybe too much), and I tend to see a bigger picture that includes all of humanity, society, and the world. I've gotten support on this from other people that work in the Greenpeace office, but within the program someone who shares this point of view is really hard to find. In that sense, I think it may be not-so-great that the GOT swallows people whole, because it's so important to have a life outside this, if only just to remind you that there IS something outside this.
At least I hope there is, because otherwise I'm just as preachy as the people I rant about! : )