Saturday, March 22, 2008

The Million Dollar Question.

I am not liked. This is not something new. I have experienced the harsh words and judgment of others before. The thing is, before my antagonists were just in my English class, or a friend of a friend, or some other easily-ignorable person. This time, the people who love to loathe me are my coworkers, co-livers, co-lifers. We all spend our time in the GOT with only each other, and when one person (read: me) feels comfortable expressing a differing opinion, they are suddenly transformed into a defector who is hell bent on crushing the beautiful thing the group has built.

Just call me Hulk.

I have tried to allow the GOT to retain its structure and 'prestige' by not voicing every single concern/comment/question within the group. I have been frustrated, yes, but I have also attempted to take some sort of healthy approach to this experience. Looking back at past posts you can see that I do not only rant about my experience, but rather explain that perhaps are the lessons I am going to learn differ from those intended. I continue to believe that what I'm going to take away from this experience is a deeper understanding of the "closed-minded liberal" and "over-zealous activist." When I attempt to dispel these characterizations, I am only met with further proof that they are true to this case.

I have asked the coordinators of the program if they want me to leave. I have volunteered to do work outside the GOT for the remainder of the program. But, in my defense, I have never tried to convince other students to join my "side" and share my opinions. I have never voiced these opinions in the classroom. I have never done anything to keep other GOT members from having their own experience, whether positive or negative. Please remember this, because I'm only the "problem" that you make me. I am staying, and I am here to learn. Hopefully you are too.

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