Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Ending a Lot of Things.

Today is the fifth anniversary of the war, and in San Francisco there are a lot of events going on in protest. Our GOT group was assigned to participate in a snake march through downtown, which we were to organize ourselves and participate in as a group not from Greenpeace, but rather just in support of the protest as a whole.

And yeah, I did say assigned.

I was kind of confused about this action, but I went along with it because I saw it as a job that I was asked to do. I'm not saying that I begrudgingly did something I didn't want to, or that I'm a blind follower, or anything like that. Because the way I see it is that there was never a choice. I was asked to do something, and I was going to do it. I could go into all the reasons why I think this was not an appropriate task to ask of us, or my personal political beliefs, but I think that today, and most days in liberal America, are basically a deluge of people's political opinions.

So this morning I'm getting up and ready to go, when I'm approached about my ability to walk down the street, because I might get uncomfortable and freak out and ruin it for everyone. See, we made a pact as a group to all leave if one person felt uncomfortable, and I guess that person was destined to be me. Yes, I am a survivor of sexual assault. Yes, I do often feel uncomfortable in crowded, public situations. BUT, that is what anti-anxiety medication is for! (joke, ish.) Plus, I'll have you know that I never really feel safe or comfortable. That's just part of my life though, like how some people have allergies or are nearsighted. I deal with it every day, and the fact that I can live a normal life is testament to my ability to "test my comfort levels" and do my job.

Anyway, I'm not at the march today. I'm at home. Because I'm apparently not strong enough to take a stand or support my group. Honestly? The fact that I'm still here is proof that I'm strong enough to deal with all kinds of bullshit from all kinds of people. So please don't tell me that I need to stretch my comfort zone, because I'm stretched so thin I feel like I'm going to snap at any moment.

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